Adult Education
by staceleo
Summary: Their job is to teach the young. Now the teachers are becoming the students when learning about romance. A silly tale about love, teaching, and learning to live to the fullest.
1. Chapter 1

Adult Education

**AN: I've been writing more dramatic stories lately. Sometimes, I need some funny to fend off the blues.**

**I hope you like it. **

**Thanks for reading. I'll finish the next one, so you will have another chapter on Friday. **

Chapter 1

I don't think you can be considered a stalker when you work with the object of your interest. It's absolutely not obsession.

This is a true fact. I can't possibly avoid seeing him walk past my classroom on the way to lunch. He's an unintentional strutter. He doesn't realize that he's strutting his stuff when heading to the cafeteria to pick up a drink to have with lunch, but he is. His brown paper sack containing his lunch swaying with the movements of his hips. I know this because I wait exactly one minute before following him through the hallway. I could time it so we walked together and had an actual conversation, but that means talking to have that conversation. He intimated the hell out of me.

I noticed he always purchases plain, old milk. Never does he get chocolate. I wonder if he knows that he's missing out.

Also, it isn't like I'm sitting at my desk and waiting for him to walk past. I'm actually doing my job and grading horrible charcoal drawings. At this time of morning, he heads into the teacher's lounge to get coffee before his first class of the day. Caffeine before teaching a group of hormonal, high school freshmen how to dissect frogs in biology is important.

I wish Mr. Edward Cullen would teach me biology. The naked kind.

Hell was in my future. Here I was surrounded by my students' art works and thinking dirty thoughts about the biology teacher. They were just babies. Foul-mouthed, sexually charged babies.

Michael Newton drew a picture of two fried eggs. That wasn't the assignment. It was sketching the student who sat next you. Sweet Allison Harris would be so confused that he drew eggs and not—

Oh. Those were supposed to be her breasts. I see the letter 'D' in that boy's future.

My chin was itching like I had fleas. I scratched at the red fuzz trying to find some relief. The wig on my head was just as bad. My scalp was unpleasantly tingling.

The clock ticked closer and closer to the time Mr. Cullen would walk past my classroom with his coffee cup that had a picture of the evolution of man on it. Rumor had it that Mr. Cullen would never leave his mug in the teacher's lounge just in case it might accidentally get germs. It was if he thought that the all his fellow teachers had cooties. Although when I thought about that cold sore on the corner of Jim Molina's mouth, Mr. Cullen might be onto something.

I itched furiously at the side of my face when Mr. Cullen came past. What I didn't expect that he glanced into my room, did a double take, and stumbled. He kept upright by grabbing onto the wall.

"Miss Swan, you have a beard," he said incredulously.

The way he said my name was kind of oddly sexy. I was certain he would never call me my first name. It would be really awkward if we had sex. He would just be moaning Miss Swan the whole time. However, his voice was kind of husky. It could still be hot.

"It _is_ Halloween, Mr. Cullen," I was able to stay without stuttering. I tried to give him a seductive smile, but I think it fell flat. A costume of a nineteenth century man wasn't really the most attractive ensemble to catch Mr. Cullen's eye.

"Teachers aren't supposed to dress for the holiday. It gives the wrong impression to the students." He was so stern. That man needed some loosening up.

I stood up with a much dignity as a woman dressed as a post-impressionistic artist could muster and walked over to a picture of Vincent Van Gogh. Mr. Cullen's hair was a similar hue as the deceased painter, but his eyes were green like a ficus. "I'm dressed up for a lecture on the artist Van Gogh. Do you see the resemblance?"

"Not at all." His nose crinkled. "Why is your ear covered in a dirty tissue?"

"It's my blood. In a psychotic episode, I sliced off my ear and left it at a house of ill-repute for my fellow artist, Gauguin. I'll leave out the fact that it was a brothel filled with prostitutes and that Van Gogh had gonorrhea. It really is quite a racy story that they can learn in college," I explained. "Does it really look like blood seeping out of my bandage? I used red and brown pastels to create a dried blood look. You're a human body guy, so does this look like dried blood?"

Mr. Cullen's mouth dropped open. He just stared at me until he regained his composure. "Do you think this is the proper way to teach a class, Miss Swan? The students are here to buckle down and learn the lessons they need to succeed in life."

Pretty is as pretty does, my mama always used to say to me when I was young. Actually talking to Edward Cullen has made me realize that for all his good looking on the outside, the man inside had serious personality issues. He needed ice cream and a carousel. Those things always made me feel like a nicer person.

"Learning should be fun. We have a huge dropout rate at this school. There has to be a better way to keep them in their seats and learning the knowledge that we were hired to teach them," I explained.

There was a flash for a moment that he was might be trying to understand my way of thinking, but it quickly vanished. "You do teach art. There is nothing really beneficial to the world about that."

My wig would look lovely stuffed into his mouth.

Mr. Cullen was saved by the bell.

He looked at his watch in annoyance. "Now I won't be able to get any coffee!"

"I wouldn't worry to much about it. Yesterday, Angela made it and she's home with the stomach flu." I watched as his face turned green . Holding up my thermos, i added, "That's why I always bring my own java."

His face turned several shades of red, turned on his heel, and stomped back the way he came.

I hoped he was super tired all day from no coffee and worried that he had the plague.

Crush over.

XXXXXX

Not exactly over. He was all I looked at as we sat in the lounge eating our lunches.

I stared as he took a bite of his sandwich. The man could chew a turkey sandwich like a champ.

There was a rip as a part of my beard was ripped off. I screamed, "Gentle, Alice!"

My best friend shrugged. "What was I supposed to do? The mix of your long hair and the ugly beard made you look like the bearded lady at the carnival."

I had changed after my Painting 1 class. The beard wasn't the best look with a skirt.

Alice sighed and looked over to where Edward was sitting with the group that taught the science, math, and history classes. They rarely smiled, instead they talked about important things like world events and politics. The popular kids all grown up.

The teachers were as bad as the kids in the cafeteria sitting in our little cliches. The English instructors were reading the classics at their table. The artsy teachers sat and support staff sat on the outskirts of the room. We were the dorks of this institution.

She whined as she threw her arm over her face, "What does Jasper see in her?"

I had no clue what my sassy friend saw in that wet blanket. She was all reckless abandon with her black hair hacked off with a pocket knife after one particularly wild wine drinking night. Seinfeld reruns, Pinot, and an old Swiss pocket knife seemed like a great idea at the time. Now? Not so much.

Jasper Whitlock, on the other hand, wore button downs and pressed, pleated khakis. I watched him eat pizza with a knife and fork. He droned on about Civil War battles. Alice could do so much better.

"Who knows," I said as I started picking at my container of Chinese food.

Jasper Whitlock taught history and Rosalie Hale was a French teacher. They looked like twins with their blond hair and frowns. Hale was pretty if you liked the adult version of the cheerleading squad captain. Jasper was probably Prom King, so it made some sense. Alice hated the fact that were together. She was completely enamored of that pickle puss.

"It's just gross. They don't even talk to each other," Alice pointed out. Rosalie was drinking coffee and reading a copy of _Paris Match_. Whitlock was talking to Mr. Cullen. Occasionally, they looked over in our direction. Alice finally noticed. "They are looking at us! Maybe Jasper is seeing my inner glow!"

I waved at my stuffy crush causing him to look down at his sandwich with his usual frown. I wondered if he would like some of my leftover chow mein. Bland sandwiches were never fun.

"They're probably just mocking our unconventional teaching methods," I grumbled.

"Just wait until the ghouls from my advanced class come and haunt the third period classes. I got some ghastly make-up for them. It will be a spooky good time!" Alice exclaimed and bounced in her seat.

I threw my napkin at her head. "Dr. Volturi is finally going make good on his threat and fire you, Brandon."

Rosalie Hale shot us a nasty look. We must be interrupting her perusal of French celebrity gossip.

"Then Daddy fires him. It's a twisted circle of job loss, Hells Bells."

Alice's father was the Supernatant of our school district. There was some lovely job security with having him in that position.

"Why is Ali getting fired again?" Katie, the music teacher plopped in the chair next to me. Tanya, the school nurse sat as well. Both the women had hair that was a mess. Katie's head was always a frazzled poof of hair, but Tanya's do was a surprise. It was a knotty jumble of strawberry blonde knots.

"She's sending her kids to play ghostly menaces in the more traditional classes," I explained. Katie's face brightened in excitement at the upcoming chaos our dramatic friend was going to bring. I turned to Tanya. "What the hell happened to you?"

"James and the janitor's closet," She said with a grin. James was the physical education instructor and rumor had it that he could be extremely flexible in tight spaces. I never had the pleasure, but I enjoyed the stories about him. I might to have a boyfriend, but I had a blue vibrating buddy. Tanya's stories gave me a plethora of inspiration.

Katie looked wistful. "I remember the days that Garrett would want to get frisky in places other than the bedroom. Now I'm lucky if he wants to get vertical on the couch after watching _Sports Center_."

Tanya chuckled. "That's why I'm staying single, honey. Anyway, McCarty interrupted. I was half undressed and he asked me to pass him his mop. He's the sweetest thing."

The sweetest thing came lumbering in with his cleaning cart. Emmett McCarty was previously the star of this school's football team and, after one particularly violent knock on the head, ended up the janitor. He was treated horribly around here. The poor guy was trying so hard to work his way back from his injury. Sometimes I left him candy on the desk in his tiny office. Everyone needs a little something to brighten their day.

"Thanks for my mop, Miss Denali." Emmett was blushing.

"No problem, sugar. What you doing tonight?" She gave his hand a squeeze.

He shrugged and shuffled his feet. "Watching _Sports Center.__"_

"Do they _all _watch that?" Katie asked in disgust. "I hate stupid sports. Garrett's going to be young Andre Agassi tonight. I had to buy him a dumb wig. I should just shave his head while he's asleep. He has the old Agassi beer gut already."

Tanya nudged her hard in the shoulder. "We are going to El Diego's for tacos tonight. Wanna come?"

The large man's smile was infectious. His dimples were delightful. I wondered if he would model for my drawing class. Clothed, of course. This was still a high school. "I love tacos!"

"Great! I'll pick you up. You still with your mom on Clark Drive?" She asked. He nodded the affirmative. "I'll be there at seven. Do you have a costume? It's Halloween."

"No, Miss Denali," He said quietly.

She squeezed his hand. "No worries. I have the perfect thing."

Emmett kept nodding and smiling, as went to collect the trash.

"You're a gem," I told Tanya.

Tanya rolled her eyes. "No biggie. He's a good guy and deserves some fun. After the accident, I think he lost a lot of friends. It isn't fair."

"He has some now," I added and pointed to my friends.

Alice pounded the table in excitement. "Margaritas!"

That lady was like live wire of energy. From the corner of my eye, I saw Mr. Whitlock whisper something to Mr. Cullen. Whatever was said, caused Mr. Cullen to stand and come over to our table. He looked at me and I stared back.

"Miss Swan . . . I . . . Well . . . You lost your beard," he said nervously.

"Yeah. It was itchy, Mr. Cullen."

"Call me, Edward."

"Okay," I squeaked.

The girls were looking at us in shock.

"I think it might be armageddon," Alice whispered loudly to Katie.

"Indeed, Al," Katie replied. "I need some damn popcorn."

Mr. Cullen, I mean, Edward said the most remarkable thing. "I need to apologize for mocking your teaching methods. Jasper and I were discussing them and realized that perhaps you have a point."

I thought I heard the angels singing. I, Isabella Swan, actually made a good point. It was best to pretend to be cool about being right. I wasn't a pompous know-it-all. He was. I wanted to get that pompous know-it-all naked. "Oh."

"I was wondering if you would meet with us to discuss your methods." He rubbed his neck and looked uncomfortable.

"Threesome," Tanya mouthed at me. I kicked her under the table. "Ow!"

"You can get tacos tonight with us. We'll meet at El Diego's after seven. Unless your busy with a girlfriend toni—" I began. It was always good to find out what I'm working with. I was a lot of things, but a home wrecker wasn't one of them.

"Lauren and I broke up. She's in quarantine at her research lab. There was an accident with a vial of a new disease that was just discovered." Edward didn't look too shook up about it. Instead, he was adorably aloof.

"It was mutual?"

"I broke up with her, of course!" Edward looked at me like I was nuts. That man was hardcore heartless. He continued, "If she couldn't be careful with infectious diseases, what kind of mother would she be?"

He did have a point.

"Makes sense." I pointed at him. "So are you in for tonight?"

"Yes. Jasper and I will be there this evening." He gave us a farewell nod and headed back to the table.

"He'll be in something tonight," Tanya stated with a grin. She tapped my forehead. "You."

"You're awful, Tanya."

She blew me a kiss. "You love my awful."

"I really do," I agreed.

"Jasper and I will be in the same room! What should I wear?" Alice was in full meltdown.

I let Katie work on calming her. I was thinking about educating Mr. Cullen. Not about teaching, but about romance. It was going to be my greatest accomplishment or most devastating defeat.


	2. Chapter 2

**AN: It is the wonderful Alice's White Rabbit's birthday! This chapter is for her. **

**This is extreme silliness. Enjoy.**

Chapter 2

"We've been ditched," Alice cried. She started beating her head against the brightly colored striped table cloth.

Remember when I said that lady was overly dramatic? Tequila and Dos Equis made my darling friend even worse.

I patted the ears attached to the headband she wore. "Simmer down, kitten."

Alice was literally dressed as a cat. A really furry and dirty cat that looked like it had mange.

"I was hoping that Jasper would notice I was Grizabella from _Cats_!" She banged her head again and barely missed the bowl guacamole. "If he did, we would be soul mates!"

I just sighed and looked around at around our surroundings. Jerry who owned this establishment had filled it with stereotypical Mexican restaurant decorations like brightly striped fabrics and sombreros. He was an Irish guy from Jersey, so I wasn't surprised to see some four leaf clovers sprinkled around. The chef in the back was a French guy named something like Laurent or Lafayette. He was classically trained in making crepes, but I think his skills with making enchiladas was still a work in progress.

His Halloween decorations were those punch out pumpkins, skeletons, and witches that were hung on the walls with masking tape. Every table had a plastic pumpkin that small children use to collect candy filled, not with sugary treats, but with nachos. There were also little skull votives holders filled with salsa. The decor was not very high-end, but the food was delicious. _Maybe _the food was delicious, because the bartender was very generous with the hard liquor in the margaritas. I would eat a barely cooked Hot Pocket with a frozen middle with gusto after drinking this much alcohol.

"I'm not surprised that those guys decided not to show," I admitted.

All day long, I sat and pondered about Edward. Did he ever smile? What music did he listen too? Was it all classical, all the time? Perhaps he snuck in some teenage girl pop about wrecking balls or boys being trouble? Could I ever get him to watch movies about Austin Powers? Sure it was old, but that comedy was a classic. It would be fun to say weird sexual innuendos from the sixties and see how Edward reacts. I imagine he would get flustered and then pretend to be disgusted. I would find it hysterical and strangely sexy.

Katie's husband, Garrett scoffed, "Do they have a problem with beer and tacos? If they do then they aren't real men! Right, Em?"

He adjusted his wig and patriotically striped sweat band that was slipping down on his forehead. Emmett, in return, just smiled nervously and played with the stethoscope that Tanya stuck on him.

His wife was looking annoyed next to him. She muttered, "Andre fucking Agassi. The only thing that saves him from me cutting him off is those amazing short-shorts."

Katie wanted Garrett to be a sheep to match her Little Bo Peep. I could have told her that was never going to happen.

The good thing was Katie's grumbling made Alice giggle. It didn't quite completely make her feel any better that her sour puss obsession didn't show up, but at least she seemed slightly more upbeat.

It was ridiculous to get so sad about some guy that you barely know not showing up. Annoyed, however, was the perfect emotion for the evening. I was not going to let that get me down for tonight was Halloween. The night that all the ghosts and goblins come out to play. I intend to play with them.

I must admit that I was glancing at the door occasionally.

"Bella darling, stop destroying that poor napkin," Tanya demanded as she placed a couple of new pitchers of beers on the table. "The next round of margaritas are in their way and I got these wonderful frothy additions for free."

She wiggled her hips at us. That lady was perfect for getting free booze. I should be giving her tips and not the bartender.

"Kate, why don't you wave your Bo Peeps at the bar and see if you can get us some free quesadillas?" Garrett suggested. "We've have Alec's college tuition to pay for in fifteen years. We've got to get saving, wife."

Katie looked up from where she was trying to keep her slipping shepherdess staff from clanging onto the floor. "Why don't I see how far I can shove this staff up your ass, husband?"

"Keep talking like that, Katie. It's hot when you're all spicy and cranky." Garrett was grinning from ear to ear.

Alice looked at Tanya's costume. "You do remember that you're a nurse in real life, Tan?"

"Oh honey, this is a slutty nurse. Totally two different things if you think about it. At work, I take care of kids with colds. Tonight, I can play doctor." She sat next to a blushing Emmett.

"True, but it's only slighter sluttier than your normal work uniform," I added.

Tanya gave me a wink. "Agreed. Dr. Emmett, is my costume appropriate for tonight's activities?"

"Sure, Miss Denali," he answered sheepishly. "I shouldn't be your doctor tonight. I'm not smart enough anymore to even pretend."

My heart was breaking for this poor man. Luckily, Tanya was on his side.

"Darlin', I promise that you are smart and I believe in you." She put her arm around his broad back and started rubbing it. Emmett looked like he was heaven.

Alice whispered in my ear, "She's going to ride that man like a bull rider when we get done here."

I elbowed my best friend in the ribs. "Show some decorum, Ali. It's cute!"

Alice was right. Tanya probably already had her cowgirl hat and lasso ready to go at her house.

The idea of it made me laugh so hard that I choked on a tortilla chip. My life flashed before my eyes. The time I accidentally killed my goldfish by pouring dad's vodka tonic into the bowl. I thought Mr. Bubbles would want some new water. Tears sprung to my eyes from that story of fishy murder so foul. Of course, it could be all the coughing on slivers of chip.

I didn't want to die. The newspapers would have stories about the poor teacher who perished on Halloween by haunted Mexican food. They would write how she never would find her one true love and get married at a horse farm surrounded by livestock. They would wax poetic about her artistic masterpieces. They would have pictures of—

Newspapers are the actual dying breed. Everything is on the internet these days.

That would have been my last thought if I wasn't lifted up by two strong arms that started to push into my abdomen like a really uncomfortable huge. Pieces of the chip came flying out of my mouth and all over the floor.

A voice spoke into my ear as I continued to sputter, "Miss Swan . . . Bella, you okay?"

I looked behind me to see Edward's face close to mine as he held me tightly. It felt amazing having him holding me. I should tell him that he's my hero.

"I'm cool," I answered instead.

He let go immediately. Of course.

There he stood in front of me with his khaki wearing blond twin behind him. They were most definitely not dressed for the ghostly holiday. Instead, they were going for the more business casual attire. Edward at least seemed to try and jazz it up a bit with blue and white plaid. Mr. Cardboard Jasper, was in his usual white. I don't think Alice cared one bit, because she was salivating into a margarita glass.

They had brief cases with them. I just had to ask, "Are you bible salesmen for Halloween?"

Jasper looked at me aghast. "Do you have a problem with the bible?"

"No . . . I . . . Umm . . . Just joking?" There wasn't any way around offending this guy.

"The bible is a sacred text," he continued.

I think Edward was smirking at his friend's righteous indignation and my discomfort.

"Right. I know," I answered sheepishly.

Alice had no qualms with pointing to my now empty chair beside her. "Ignore that heathen. Would you like some guacamole?"

"Thank you. I think I shall," Jasper replied. He was stiff as a board, but he did give her a flicker of a smile. It was more affectionate than the looks he gave his girlfriend. Perhaps Ali has a chance after all. "Are you Grizabella?"

Aww hell, Alice was done for now. We would never stop hearing about Captain Wet Blanket.

"I thought we were here to discuss teaching methods?" Edward asked in confusion. He looked at my costume with a concerned look. "What _are _you wearing?"

I gave a spin so he could take in my white leotard and tights that I had thrown splotches of paint on. "Do you like it? I'm an abstract painting!"

"It is certainly creative," he admitted.

I was hoping for accolades about my ravishing beauty, but I would take what I could get for now.

Edward pointed to a table next to the where I was sitting with my friends. "We should probably get started. Jasper, come join us?"

Jasper was too busy staring at the cleavage poking out of Alice's furry costume. "I think I'll just pick Miss Brandon's brain about how she influenced her children to attack the classrooms today in costume."

Alice winked at me, then turned to Cranky Pants. "What are your thoughts on good old fashioned role playing fun?"

Edward tapped my shoulder. "We should get started."

Uh huh.

XXXXXX

"Can I use your neck as a salt lick?" I asked as I tried to cram a lemon in Edward's mouth. My shot of tequila was waiting for some action.

He pulled away and looked adorably annoyed. "Bella, I asked you to rank your thoughts on using a reward system to motivate your students to study more."

"I think rewards are a super plan."

That lemon wanted to be crammed in his cranky mouth hole. It wanted me to suck it out with some lip action. There was no other way that would lead to me to kissing Edward Cullen. I needed to be creative.

I mean, seriously, it was Halloween night and Edward was drinking tap water. Who does that? Even Jasper the pickle puss looked like he was drinking a Coke.

"I need the answer to be a number from one to ten, Bella."

"One being great and ten being no fucking way?" I questioned. I wasn't really listening to his words, just staring at his mouth.

He groaned and rubbed his eyes. I made him tired. I wondered if I should get him a coffee. "Could you please try to be serious for a moment?"

I held up my lemon and the salt shaker. "Let's tryout the reward system. You let me put a lemon wedge in your mouth and this salt on your neck then I answer nicely. If you let me put the shot glass on your lap to give these nice people a show, I'll write you a book report."

"Miss Swan!"

"Fine. Tanya will you help a girl out?" I asked my friend who was speaking intently to Emmett. They were being far too serious on a night like this. Two grumpy guys were enough at this impromptu party.

"Sure, sugar!" She stuck my shot glass in her cleavage and a lemon in her mouth.

I licked her neck and poured salt on it. The whole time I watched Edward's reaction. He looked like he was watching a nature documentary. It wasn't at all a promising reaction. My drunken seduction technique was a flop.

Still a girl needs to follow through. There is no wasting tequila. I took it back like a champ and grabbed the lemon out of her mouth quickly. We didn't even touch.

That didn't stop Garrett from hooting and yelling, "That was so hot!"

Katie slapped him on the back of his head making him laugh harder.

"You're an educator and Miss Denali is a medical professional! How do you deem this behavior acceptable?" Edward questioned with his arms crossed tightly across the chest.

"Because our students should be all sugared up and in bed at this hour or sneaking out of the house to cause mischief," I pointed out. "I'm a grown woman celebrating with good friends at night. I'm sorry if you are unable to relax during off-hours, but don't bring me down."

"Oh." He looked at me in surprise.

"Jasper keeps touching Alice's hand. Your buddy is having fun. Why can't you?"

Edward didn't seem to believe me until he saw Jasper squeeze Alice's hand. He whispered, "He won't even touch Rosalie's hand. They thinking touching is a waste of time."

"It appears that he has chosen the wrong woman. Alice is all about touching and he seems to be enjoying himself," I pointed out. I wasn't surprised about Rosalie and Jasper. Those two generated the opposite of heat. They made ice cubes instead.

"It seems you have a collected quite the assortment of friends." He was looking over us all like he was observing a science experiment where the results were not as he expected. "The janitor socializes with you all socially? That is unexpected."

Saying things like that make Edward's attractiveness wane. Being a snob wasn't okay in any setting.

I glared at him. "Do you have a problem with that? He's a good man and I think—"

"I admire the way you all are so kind to him. It's an admirable quality." He gave a small smile. "I think I might go outside for a few minutes to get some fresh air."

The Tin Man had a heart and it might actually be golden. I watched as he walked out the door. Edward was so attractive to me then that I needed just a tiny bit more liquid courage. I grabbed Garrett's practically full beer and chugged it down.

"Hey!" He squealed. "Get your own, Swan!"

I ignored Garrett and followed Edward outside. He was reading something on his phone. I hoped it wasn't something important, because I was going to interrupt him. It was a toss-up if he would find it rude.

"Edward?"

He turned around. "Yes?"

I kissed him with gusto. My hands were in his hair and to my surprise his hands were on my waist. He tasted delicious. Edward must have snuck a mint when he got out here.

He pulled away slightly. "That was unexpected."

Oh. I wasn't sure if my stomach was queasy due to his words or all the alcohol that I consumed.

Until he added, "I'm fairly certain in a good way."

That was much better, however my stomach was still rolling.

"Edward, please don't take this in the wrong way. Kissing you is amazing and I like you, but—"

He smiled a real smile. "That's nice. Why would I—"

I expelled the contents of my stomach onto his shirt.

Edward looked down in horror.

I have heard that the way to true love doesn't ever run smooth. Or at least, Alice always says it. This is a perfect example. Our bond can only deepen after something like this.

Who I'm I kidding? We're doomed.


	3. Chapter 3

**AN: This is so silly. Possibly stupid. I need to break up the angst I'm writing in everything else.**

**Enjoy and thanks for reading, gang!**

Chapter 3

There was a whole percussion section banging in my brain. I think they were playing an angry hair metal anthem. My head was going to split in a million pieces all over my bed.

Why did I drink so much?

This wasn't my usual night out on the town. A couple of drinks, some laughs, perhaps some flirting with a cute guy in a band tee-shirt was my normal evening. I would go home alone and get ready for bed without any big issues. I absolutely wouldn't wake-up with my mouth tasting like it was filled with rotten, toxic waste. Why did my mouth taste so awful?

I threw up on Edward Cullen.

Oh God.

Slowly, I sat upright. Things were still spinning. I could imagine this was the feeling a small child would have on an out of control carousel. It reminded me of a nightmare that I had when I was just a wee child. I was the little girl in _Mary Poppins_ and I remember in terror how that evil carousel horse made me fly around in circles. The nightmare's ending was that the monster horse flew into a chimney with me clinging on for dear life. I had decided that it was probably going to eat me in the soot. I was an imaginative child back then.

I have quite the imagination sometimes.

"Miss . . . Umm . . . Bella, how are you feeling?"

Edward was in my bedroom sitting across from me in an old recliner that I had found on the side of the road. He was wearing an undershirt, a pair of boxers, and his socks as he sat on that nasty thing. The chair had a weird odor like mildew and cat pee that I was trying to disguise by spritzing it with perfume. I was covering it with a sheet until I got the chair reupholstered. Unfortunately, after spilling grape jelly on that sheet, I had to throw it in the wash. Edward might get a previously undiscovered plague from that green plaid cushion.

I swallowed down the remaining bile in my throat. "Please don't sit there."

My words were like spikes that were piercing me in my cerebral cortex.

"I'm sorry," he said uncomfortably. "I thought I would sleep here in case you choked in your sleep."

"You can sleep on the chair if you want, but there's a chance you might get fleas," I admitted. He moved farther away from the chair in fear. "You want to sleep on the bed? I don't think I'll—"

"Vomit on me again?" He asked. The way his face crumpled up it seemed that the memory still disgusted him.

I smiled nervously, as I tried to stand up. "Yeah. I'm going to get changed and crash on the couch."

The couch was found on a trip to the dump. At least that one still had it's protective sheet.

My sea legs were not quite working and I crashed into Edward's arms. He stiffly said, "Easy there! You are in no shape to sleep without observation. I'll help you get changed."

He wanted to see me naked!

"Of course, I shall avert my eyes to give you a semblance of privacy," he just had to add.

Damn it.

Though the way I was feeling right now, seduction wasn't in the cards.

"Where is everyone else?" I questioned, as Edward helped lead me to the bathroom.

"Safely home. Jasper and I delivered the rest of your friends to their homes. You were snoring in the backseat during the ride." He sat me on the toilet seat. "Where are your pajamas?"

"Second drawer down. It's the oak dresser in the corner." I rubbed my temple. The bright lights of my bathroom was making my headache worse. I added as he left the room, "Alice could have stayed with me."

Edward explained, "Miss Brandon was quite drunk. Jasper thought it would be best to look after her. I assure you that he will be a complete gentleman."

I highly doubted it. Alice started an awakening in that prissy puss. I'm sure that after being in a relationship with the Snow Queen, Jasper was craving actual physical contact.

"I should call and check on her."

He yawned loudly. The poor guy was exhausted. "It's still the middle of the night, Bella. Call in the morning and . . . Oh!"

Something fell onto the floor as it was dropped.

Oh no! It didn't hit me until he left the room what was also in that drawer. A pink vibrating object that I didn't bother burying in the clothing. I named it Bob.

Tonight was true mortification.

Edward came back red faced. He dropped a pair of flannel pajamas in my lap. "I hope these work."

I'm sure he hoped so. That way he wouldn't have to face the pink vibrator ever again. It wasn't like it would bite him or anything. Or maybe it would? If my head wasn't splitting into pieces, I would be having some very disturbing waking dreams right now.

"If you need my help to get dressed then—" he began, as I started peeling off my leotard. Edward's eyes shut tightly. "Umm . . . Grab on to my arm if need be."

It sounded like he was humming the theme to _Gilligan__'__s Island_. I have found myself with a fan of vintage television. How delightful!

That made me think about if Edward was more of a Ginger or Mary Anne type of man, as I pulled my costume down to my ankles. The tights and leotard got stuck and, as I was trying to free myself, I fell over onto Edward. Since his eyes were shut, he didn't know what hit him. This caused us to fall over in a heap. My naked form, except for the spandex shackles around my ankles, was covered by his body. Edward looked at me in complete shock. It felt damn good.

"Why are you naked?" He cried out.

It wasn't the reaction I was looking for. I guess he wasn't too keen on my nudity. Damn it.

"I was getting changed!" Also underwear created unwanted bulges under the very tight costumes like I was wearing this evening. It was quite sensible to not wear them.

"We need to get up," Edward stated and closed his eyes again. This wasn't going to go well.

He started to rise and I used his shoulder to try to get up with him. His foot slipped on the bathmat and we started sliding all over the bathroom. We were a twisted bunch of limbs in the clumsiest version of bathroom Twister in the world. I guess I was the winner, because I ended up on top.

Edward was staring at my breasts with wide eyes. He let out a little whistle. If I wasn't mistaken by something hard poking in my thigh, he was pretty happy to see them.

Maybe my nakedness wasn't so appalling after all.

"We need to get up," Edward said finally. I scrambled up and put my pajama shirt in front of my chest to try and cover the goods. He might appreciate that I trying to act somewhat modest for once. "I think you can handle getting dressed now. I'll get you some Advil and water."

He rushed out of the room in a flash. I got dressed with a pout.

That night we slept with him on the edge of one side of my bed and I was stretched out on the other.

There's nothing more romantic than this. Actually, everything is.

XXXXXX

"I need you to come with me somewhere today," Edward stated. There was no resisting him. I like him when he's bossy. At least in limited amounts.

It was amazing how organized this guy was. He stood in my kitchen wearing a spotless and neatly pressed outfit. Edward always keeps an extra change of clothes in his car. I shouldn't have been surprised. I keep a clean pair of underwear in the glove box of mine. My grandma always told me to have a clean pair. It really is a good idea in so many ways. Not that I had a chance to use them. Maybe Edward would like a pair as a souvenir of our eventful night?

My head was resting on my arms as I sat at the kitchen table. "Is coffee being served at this thing?"

"You just had two cups. You'll be a jittery mess. You're already cutting it close," he admonished. "I only have one cup a day and I feel great."

Edward Cullen was an evil dictator. I was ready for him to go home now.

Instead of demanding that he leave, I whined, "The coffee isn't working!"

"You just don't think it's working. The caffeine creates a chemical reaction in your brain that makes you think that you need it, Bella. I calculated how much of a positive ratio to mix between caffeinated and decaffeinated to give your mind the positive jolt you believe you need without the adverse effects." He gave me a bright smile. He was saying too many words. It was a jumble of jibber jabber. "You might have a slight headache from the slight decrease in the caffeine, but it should only last a short while."

Let's just take in all the wrongness that is coming out of this man's mouth. First, I already had a splitting headache from the booze. Second, his evil coffee concoction didn't work. Finally, the only way this will last only a short while is with a gallon of real coffee from a coffee shop.

"I hate you."

The asshole patted my hand. "You'll appreciate this later."

Never.

Mr. Peppy looked at his watch. "We should get going. It starts at ten."

"I need greasy breakfast to soak up the demon liquor. Can we stop at McDonald's?" I pleaded. Using the table, I stood up and rubbed my forehead.

Edward passed me more Advil. "I offered you an egg white scramble, but you didn't want it."

"I hate you."

"I know."

I felt him start to rub the back of my neck. At that moment, a part of me loved him a little bit too.

XXXXXX

"A sex addiction group?" I asked Edward. I looked at the bulletin board in front of the meeting room of the Forks Methodist Church. I took off my sunglasses and looked him up and down. "You fall on a guy once while naked and he thinks you're a pervert. Just my luck."

Edward started blushing. "This isn't right. Jasper said that—"

"I mean we could get it on in the coat closet before it starts. I can give you a moment in heaven before you make me find Jesus. After that I can actually find Jesus in the biblical sense and become a good church girl. We might as well have some fun before I become a nun."

"That's catholicism, Bella," he corrected. I couldn't help but notice that he glanced at the coat closet. Maybe he needed the sex addiction group more than the poor souls who attended it. "This group is supposed to help those with alcohol dependancy. I called Jasper this morning and he goes to church here. He thinks you need this intervention."

"You're joking, right?" I gave him my meanest bitch face. I really hated Jasper at the moment. I should make some voodoo dolls of these guys.

"You're an educator, Bella! You can't be going on drunken benders every night!" He took my shoulders in his hands. "I don't know why I worry about you. I mean you are most definitely insane and often you dress in clothing that resembles something designed by the criminally insane."

"Way too compliment a girl, Versace," I grumbled.

He moved his hands to my face. His body pressed against me."I find you interesting, Bella. More than that, I feel something strange."

I'm guessing it was the trouser snake that seemed ready to strike through his pants. "I'm not an alcoholic, Edward. I don't drink every day. I sometimes might drink a little on weekends, but last night was an exception. I was nervous about being around you so I drank too much. That is something that I don't often do."

"You were nervous about me? I find that odd. I'm nothing special," he stated incredulously.

"You're so very special. I like solving the puzzle that is Edward Cullen." I placed my hand on his ass. "Would you like to help me out?"

"Yes." He mashed my face against mine. There was much kissing and no chance of me vomiting on him.

Fun fact of the day is that kissing in a church is a terrific headache reliever. In front of a room that will soon hold a sexual addiction group makes it somewhat disturbing, but also hilarious.

"Excuse me! What do you think you're doing?" A tall, balding man with a large paunch came up to us. He was pushing a cart with urns of coffee. They smelled positively delightful!

Edward pulled away from our embrace quickly. "I apologize! We thought this was going to be the Alcoholic Anonymous group."

"They changed the times," the man gruffly explained. "Are you joining us? It looks like you two need some guidance from the Lord."

"Is that fresh coffee? Piping hot?" I asked sweetly.

"Yes, ma'am."

"Bella!" Edward hissed. His hands went to my waist to pull me away.

"Hello, my name is Bella and I'm addicted to the sex with this man of mine." I held out my hand to the man who looked flustered. Edward squeezed me to try to get me to stop. He was going to be sadly disappointed if he thinks he can stop me from getting a cup of steaming java.

The coffee man adjusted his pants.

The things I do for coffee. I was certainly going to hell, but at least I was going to enjoy the caffeinated ride.


	4. Chapter 4

**AN: Hi. Enjoy.**

Chapter 4

I was sitting in Edward's lap. My excuse was that there wasn't enough chairs. The real reason is that watching Edward's embarrassment was addictive and a complete turn-on.

"You see that we can't stop having sex. Not during school hours, of course. That would just be horrible!" I nibbled on Edward's ear and made him squirm. I looked up grinning. "As soon as the bell rings than it's on! Could I get another cup, please? It's a delightful brew! Ecuadorian?"

"Folgers," Al, the poor man who lead the group, fanned himself with one of those black and white composition notebooks that schoolchildren used. The whole group had them. I wanted to read them and find out all of their kinky secrets. The poor souls. I almost felt bad for making up all these elaborate stories to get Edward worked up. Not bad enough to stop or anything.

I counted this as our first date. I should take him to get something to eat. My treat, of course. I was a feminist and could buy my man food. I imagined feeding him a strawberry milkshake. He would lick it off his straw so slow. I would let him lick it off my boo—

Edward shifted under me. "Bella! You need to stop talking now!"

I looked around at the flustered people around me who were squirming in their seats. I giggled. "I said that out loud? Sorry! My lover gets me so worked up that I can't help having fantasies all the time. Once we were having Thanksgiving Dinner with his family and I just rambled on about how I was going to satisfy him in the pantry. This was during dessert. His poor aunt fainted into her pumpkin pie. It was horrifying. That was until he made me come next to his mother's preserves and the spices."

"There is something terribly wrong with you," he hissed in my ear. It was sexy.

"I know. Isn't it grand!" I whispered back as I bit into his ear again. He let out a growl. "Baby, this year at Daddy's we need to be very quiet. We can use the shed he uses to clean the fish."

I would definitely put out on the first date. This isn't always the case, but Edward's special.

A rather buxom woman leaned down and flashed the crowd with her twins. She clutched a paper plate filled with donuts and grapes. "Would the fish still be in the shed?"

"Do you wish for there to be fish in the shed?" I inquired. I read her name tag. "Irina?"

Her blue eyes grew wide. "Oh yes! I like the smell of fish. It reminds me of my papa's fishing boat. I used to make sweet love to a boy named Demetri where they loaded up the fish. Our passion consummated on a burlap sack, Annie Gables."

I made up an alias for our name tags. Edward was Harry Radcliffe. I felt this made me look smart, but Edward was just confused about my ideas on role playing.

"I think it's great and smelly advice, Irina. It's about time that my love learned how to remove scales and make whoopee next to all our hard work. Just like they did in olden times!" I glanced back at Edward who looked green in the gills. "You know we should get a drink, Irina. I bet you have the best stories."

A big guy named Felix with tattoos of mermaids looked at Irina with stars in his eyes. He crooned, "She really does!"

He loved her. I should play matchmaker. I could wear a scarf around my head and pretend this was _Fiddler on the Roof, the Naughty Edition_.

"Bella, we should be going!" Edward pleaded.

I took a leisurely sip of coffee and sighed. "What he means to say is that he wants to be coming in me."

"Why is he calling you a different name?" Al questioned. I think he was getting suspicious.

I stood up and stretched. "Pet name. Means beautiful. Isn't my Harry the dreamiest? Who needs more coffee?"

Edward kind of smiled when I winked at him.

"Do you feel no shame about how sex has such a strong power over you?" Al asked. He pointed to a picture of Jesus holding a lamb.

For a moment I felt awful with the picture of Jesus smiling benignly at me. That was until I saw Jasper walk in with Alice. He was holding her hand tightly. "Al, what are you doing here? This is supposed to be the AA meeting."

You have to be kidding me. It was time to teach Mr. Whitlock a lesson.

I skipped over to him. "Why so pleased to meet you! I'm Annie Gables, originally from Nova Scotia. Do you have fornication problems like my Harry and I do?"

Jasper's mouth dropped open in shock.

Alice saw the twinkle in my eye. She spoke in a very thick English accent. "How lovely to meet you, Annie! I'm Alice. I'm from England. My Jasper has a predilection for dressing up in a white, fluffy rabbit costume when we make love. He makes me dress like a queen covered in hearts and shout that I want to lop off someone's head. Isn't that quite odd?"

"It is scandalous indeed, Miss Alice! It makes Harry chasing me around the house while he only wears a wizard's hat seem quite benign! Would you care for some coffee, my dear?" I took her hand to lead her over to the coffee urn.

She shook her head sadly. "I'm a tea type of lady."

"They have Lipton's!"

Alice clapped her hands joyfully. "How lovely!"

"What are you doing here?" I whispered into her ear. "Jasper want to sober you up too? They changed times. This is the sexy is bad group."

She giggled and linked arms with me. "He wants us to pray about his lustful thoughts about me. I was positively an innocent last night, but he's having dirty dreams about me. I think he needs to ditch the Snow Queen and make some of his dreams come true."

That's when I heard Edward start laughing. It started with a chuckle and became a full bodied belly laugh.

Jasper asked confusion, "Edward, what is the matter with you?"

"You must be mistaken. My name is Harry. Annie, we have reservations to get some lunch. Thank you for the meeting, but I think we'll be just fine." He came over and linked our fingers.

Alice patted his shoulder. "Sounds like a jolly good plan. I think I will walk out with you."

"We were going to head to the altar, Alice," Jasper came running over and almost tripping over his own feet. "Pray to God for guidance."

Alice turned to the Jesus poster. "Jesus, please give Jasper the bravery to follow his own heart and do the right thing. Also, please make sure I have enough money in my purse to add fries to my order at McDonald's."

"I'll be buying you lunch somewhere nice, Alice." Jasper held out his hand.

"You'll be buying me wine," she stated resolutely.

He looked cranky, but I knew he would do what she said.

I made sure to get Irina's number before we left. That girl was a trip!

It just shows you what some creativity and positive thinking would get you. What looked to be a bad morning actually ended up to be way Edward looked carefree it seemed he was thinking that too.

XXXXXX

I was trying to play footsie with Edward under the table of this cute bistro near the high school. It was the place that served quiche and salads created with organic greens drizzled in a homemade vinaigrette. It wasn't a place for me to be getting frisky, but that hasn't stopped me before.

"You're kicking me under the table," he stated .His words jolted me from watching him eat some fancy sandwich that had watercress and sprouts.

"It's called flirtatious foot nudging. You should try it sometime. If you stayed still I could rub that same foot up your thigh." I innocently sipped my wine.

He sucked down his iced tea and looked flushed.

"Bella, what are we doing here? Is this something you consider to be fun times? Will it lead to more serious pursuits like marriage and raising children?"

I rubbed my face. "I have no idea, Edward. We haven't officially been out on a real date. Though sex addiction meetings could be considered some interesting foreplay."

The waiter refilled my water with wide eyes. I grinned at him. "How you doin'?"

Edward stifled a laugh. "Bella—"

"You can be happy. It looks good on you, Edward." I stood up. "I'm not sure what's happening here, but I want to discover it with you. I'm going to head to the bathroom."

I didn't make it there, because Edward grabbed me by the waist and spun me around into his arms. He kissed me until I was weak in the knees.

"What was that?" I asked breathlessly.

"That was me kissing you, Miss Bella Swan." He kissed the tip of my nose.

Every person in that restaurant was watching us. Actually, there wasn't that many people. The food was pretty good so I found that confusing. Though not as confusing as Edward just attacking my lips in the middle of the room. It was very predictable like in a generic romantic movie. It was possible that his iced tea was spiked or possibly he ordered the Long Island variety and I just hadn't noticed.

"Are you sick?" I placed my hand on his forehead. He felt cool.

"No. I'm fine." He pulled away slightly. "I think the best idea is wooing."

"Naked wooing?"

My words made him frown. "No. Wooing in the way it was done in the days of old. You are quite a hyper sexualized woman, Bella."

"Are you taking sex off the table?" There goes my dreams of taking him back to my house and making a man out of him. I think he might be a virgin and this is his attempt of putting off getting vertical. I bet he's been studying the _Karma Sutra._ It's probably scaring him. You've got to be very limber to do some of that stuff.

"We will be working our way to making love. I will be performing for you the human equivalent of the mating dances of male birds of paradise. You will then think of me as more than just a stuffy biology teacher." He seemed to be getting excited at the prospect of his weird dance idea.

I played with the collar of this shirt. "Will this dance includes stripping?"

"Bella, I'm not talking about actually dancing!"

"I can get you a g-string," I helpfully suggested.

"I'm talking about moonlight dinners. Walks on the beach to talk about our hopes and dreams. Sweet kisses in a canoe as I row us around a lake on a sunny day." Edward pulled out his wallet and tossed money onto the table. "Let us go take a walk in the park and stomp in the dried leaves."

"Stomp dried leaves?" I let him lead me out of the restaurant. "I can think of other things we can do."

He stopped abruptly and grinned. "Something naked?"

"You're starting to figure me out, Mr. Cullen." This made me laugh. "Seriously though, I have sketches to grade."

"Grading them naked, Miss Swan?" Oh my! He can actually tease when he wants to.

"Edward, would you like to grade naked with me? You can bring over quizzes about chlorophyll and we can mark papers with a red pen. If you're a good boy, you can mark me afterwards."

This just made him groan.

I squeezed his hand and continued, "How about I make some tea and we can grade papers and listen to jazz. It soothes me when I have to try to find something positive about Michael Newton's artwork. I can't stand that little punk."

"That boy is a menace," Edward agreed. "He tried to steal the cow eyes we were going to be dissecting."

"What for?"

Edward grimaced. "I really don't want to know."

"Tea?"

He gave me a hug. "Tea."

XXXXXX

_Two Hours Later_

I was straddling Edward on my couch. "Don't be such a big baby."

"Don't Bella!"

He was such a child.

"Will you hold still?" I implored. Both of his hands were in mine. He was trying to move me off his lap, but there was no budging. I was an excellent mechanical bull rider. There was no way this bull was going to knock me off.

"Bella!" He cried.

I mashed my lips onto his and, as he was distracted by my mouth, I plucked the splinter out of his thumb.

Only Edward could manage getting a splinter from my coffee table.

Instead of kissing his mouth, I kissed his boo boo. "Feel better?"

Edward flipped me over onto my back. He started kissing me. His fingers grasped my waist.

Once he stopped so we could breathe, I asked, "What about wooing?"

"Making out can be wooing."

"Nice." I put his one hand on my breast. "Can I add touching my breasts as a part of this wooing?"

"I accept this in the wooing negotiations." He started sucking on my neck.

Lesson one of teaching Edward Cullen the ways of love is negotiation is a powerful tool. More powerful is fixing his boo boos. If he breaks a finger we might manage to make it to third base. One can only hope.


	5. Chapter 5

**AN: Finally, a new chapter!**

**Also, I will now not be reading guest reviews until they are reviewed first. This is my hobby and I want to continue doing it. This was the best way to allow myself to continue to enjoy writing. **

**Thank you and enjoy!**

Chapter 5

"Ladies, let me tell you one thing that you need to never forget. ESPN is Satan." Katie waved her straw at us. "Garrett was shrieking joyfully and I thought that it was because, for once, I wasn't using my teeth. Was his joy due to me performing my least favorite sexual escapade with him? Oh no! He was cheering for the Celtics scoring on the Heat."

Another lunch period meant another dose of Katherine's Why Sports Are the Devil update. This usually consisted of what sporting event sucked Garrett into it's clutches and the list of reasons that Katie detested it. She even had a problem with bowling.

I picked at my tuna fish salad while glancing over to Edward's table. If our eyes met he would give me a little wave that made me blush. I was a giddy mess thanks to him.

"You could take him to a cabin in the woods with no cable," I suggested. Edward was playing with his juice bottle. He would swirl the contents around with the ghost of a smile playing on his lips. It was adorable. "You can reconnect on a more intimate level."

"Garrett would climb a tree to try to get reception so he could watch a game on a cell phone," Katie pointed out. She watched as I waved to Edward. "You are in the cute zone right now, Swan. Just wait until he gets sucked into water polo season. Edward Cullen looks like a polo fan on both land and water."

"Be nice, Katie," Alice admonished. "Edward is one of the good ones. Unlike Jasper who is still sitting over there with Rosalie Hale. He promised me on the phone last night that he was breaking up with her."

She sighed sadly as she gazed longingly at Jasper. He returned her gaze with a sad smile.

"You have to remember, Alice, that Rosalie is a frightening woman," I reminded her.

"Are you talking about Hale?" Tanya snarled as she dropped her lunch on the table. "She's been sniffing around Emmett."

"Emmett?" I heard Alice ask excitedly. I was too busy staring at Edward to inquire about this Emmett and Rosalie connection. Edward had a bit of cracker stuck to the corner of his mouth. He needed me to lick it off.

Tanya attempted to open her water bottle. She struggled to twist off the top. "Stupid. idiotic, bottle of over-priced—"

Kate grabbed the bottle out of her hands, opening it easily. She gave it back and stated, "Calm down there, tiger."

Edward's tongue flickered out of his lips and he removed the crumbs. A sigh escaped my mouth.

"It has come to my attention that Emmett used to date Rosalie before his accident. The standard football star and head cheerleading coupling that is so ridiculously cliched that it makes me want to punch something," Tanya complained.

"Weren't you a head cheerleader who dated the captain of the football team?" Alice asked. She noticed me ogling Edward. "Bella, pay attention to Tanya right now. You can gaze lovingly at Edward later."

"Sorry!" I turned my attention back to my friends. "Did I tell you that we're going on a real date tonight?"

"About thirty times, you lovesick goof." Kate threw her napkin at my head. "We have to deal with saving poor Emmett from the Ice Queen."

"Can we save Jasper too?" Alice motioned to the forlorn looking Mr. Whitlock. Edward was talking quietly to him. Rosalie was ignoring them both. It seemed her Parisian gossip magazines were far more interesting.

Kate shook her head. "He's a big boy and needs to grow a pair. Whitlock needs to break up with her on his own. Emmett, however, is a sweet guy who needs our protection from becoming a human popsicle."

"I would never have broken up with John if he had a brain injury. I ended things with him because he was sleeping with the rest of the squad," Tanya explained. "Blondie over there dumped him because he got hurt. If Emmett doesn't want to be with me that's fine. I just worry about him being with her again."

"Tanya, did Em end things with you?" I asked. He always looked at her like she walked on water.

"No, but he was telling me that she was speaking to him again. It's just that she's so beautiful and I'm—" My friend looked down at the bottle she was clutching.

I placed my hand on hers. "You are a warm beauty with a heart of gold. Rosalie Hale is like a block of ice. There's no warmth there. Trust in yourself and in Emmett making the right decision. He will."

Tanya gave me one of her famous giant squeezes. It was hard to breathe.

"Thank you," she whispered in my ear.

From the corner of my eye, I saw Edward stand. He looked at me and motioned toward the door with his head.

I practically pushed Tanya off. I announced loudly, "I better get back to my room. I have things to set-up for my next class."

Alice waved her fork at me. "Liar. You want to sneak kisses with the handsome Mr. Cullen."

"Yes," I agreed. "One day it might lead to groping in the janitor's closet. I can only keep the hope alive."

"He's still holding out on you?" Tanya asked. "I suggest attacking him like a wildebeest. He won't know what hit him."

"No. I think it might be better this way. There's something thrilling in the anticipation." If I said this enough times I might actually start believing it.

Kate choked on her sandwich. "You're in love. I would never have believed it could happen."

"Stranger things have happened," I pointed out as I gathered up my things.

As soon as I left the break room, Edward grabbed me by the hand. He placed a kiss on my cheek. "There you are."

"You waiting for me? I was heading to get out paint supplies for my next class. What a wonderful surprise, Edward!"

We started walking down the hall with fingers tightly clasped. Edward grinned at me. "You know good and well that I was waiting for you. I'll help you get ready for your class."

"We have plenty of time to make-out in the boiler room," I suggested. "Wouldn't that be quite enjoyable?"

I started toward the direction of the basement but Edward pulled me toward my classroom. "Time for work, Miss Swan. I'll make it up to you tonight."

"We heading to third, Mr. Cullen?" I inquired.

"I was thinking perhaps second with a lovely dinner to start with." He headed to the shelf that held all the paints. "What kind and color?"

"Grab the white and black gouache. We're working on shades of gray." I started placing palettes. on the tables. "I'm going to steer the children away from the fifty shades variety. It would be unseemly and highly creepy for a high school setting."

"What?" Edward looked at me in confusion.

I guess questionable literature about floggers and bondage wasn't Edward's thing. Of course, I didn't read it myself. Supposedly, there was something about a tampon that made the teachers' book club nauseous according to Katie. Though the idea of tying Edward up with scarves was quite appealing. First things first, however, since we haven't really gotten to touching underneath clothing.

I shrugged. "Never mind."

Edward leaned against a table. "Jasper is ending things with Rosalie tonight."

"Should he bring protection of some sort? A hot iron? Perhaps a hair dryer? It will have to be hot enough to actually melt her." I walked over to Edward and was enveloped in his open arms. When Edward decided to open up to emotions, he was quite the hugger. It was quite snuggly and my new favorite place to be.

"He's going to call her from his home. Just in case, he changed the locks." Edward ran his fingers up and down my back. "Rosalie is a bit frightening when she wants to be."

I looked up at Edward. "She's been talking to Emmett. Did you know they were an item before his accident?"

"She never mentioned it." Edward's face was the picture of concern. "Rosalie taking up with Mr. McCarty would be a terrible idea. She'll eat him alive."

"Have any words of wisdom? Tanya is beside herself worrying about it."

Edward smiled down at me. "I'll talk to Mr. McCarty. See what he actually thinks about Rosalie speaking to him again. I can give him advice about fending her off."

"Did she ever try to date you. Edward?" All of a sudden, I felt like Tanya did. In my heart I knew Rosalie and her acidic personality was no threat. Unfortunately, there was a small part of me that was threatened by her beauty.

He chuckled. "She only tolerates me because of Jasper. Honestly, I think she wouldn't spit on me if I was on fire. My advice to Emmett would be to act like me. That would make her go the other direction."

"I don't know what her problem is. I think you're quite charming and cute." I placed a hand on his cheek.

"Cute, huh? I think you're lovely." Edward gave me a shy smile.

Leaning my forehead on his, I asked, "Can I kiss you now? Just to get me through the rest of the school day?"

Edward actually blushed. "The students won't be here for a couple of minutes."

"Right. No hormonal children to interrupt." I pushed closer to him. "Unless you don't want to kiss me. I guess you'll be fine waiting till tonight."

"I would be remiss if I didn't kiss you now. The day would be filled with remorse of the missed opportunity of your lips on mine." His lips were practically touching me.

"Aren't you quite the charmer? I think you should be writing adaptions of classical writing for the BBC, Mr. Science. You're missing out on a wonderful opportunity by playing around with science stuff."

"Shut up and kiss me, Bella."

I was happy to oblige. His lips fitted perfectly with mine. We kissed like we weren't stuck in my classroom but a more romantic setting. I could see us kissing like this on a dock. Seagulls flying overhead as we held each other tightly. The sound of the waves hitting the land as Edward weaved his hands in my hair. This would be the romance Edward talked about. I wanted this in my life. I wanted this with him.

Edward pulled away slightly. "This feels different. When I dated before this everything was completely planned and organized."

"Your relationships? They sounds more like business meetings." I squeezed his waist. "Mine were all pure intensity and whim. It would be like a fire. The relationships would be quick to ignite and extinguish just as quickly."

Edward ran his hand down my neck. "I feel tingly when I touch you. I don't want to stop."

"I like being quiet with you like this. Just hugging and talking during our day is so wonderful to me," I admitted. Of course, hot lovemaking in the back of his car would be super. We would work up to that.

"We work the best mixing everything all together, don't you think?" He asked, his grip tightening.

"Yes."

Our lips touched again. There was more of an intensity then before. He was kissing me with a passion that was inspiring. I wanted to roll our naked bodies in paint and create a series of masterpieces. Our intertwined limbs would be the tools to create works of art that could be hung on the walls of the most celebrated galleries and museums in the world. We could frolic on large canvases as—

Silly daytime fantasy. I just wanted to make sweet love to the man. I wasn't the least bit picky where or how.

Patience is a virtue, yet his kissing is an amazing drug. I squeezed his ass and he squeezed mine back.

"Damn, Miss Swan!" Mike Newton's obnoxious voice exclaimed. "You hittin' it with Mr. Cullen? My dreams are all fucked!"

We pulled away quickly. The students were all snickering as they took their seats.

"Language, Mr. Newton," I hissed. I hated that kid.

"Maybe next time we should visit your boiler room suggestion," Edward whispered in my ear. "It was a good suggestion that I should have agreed to."

"The janitor's closet is far more cozy, I hear." I pinched his butt discreetly.

Red-faced and adorable, Edward jumped up. He squeaked, "Tonight then."

Tonight indeed.


End file.
